After the Jerry Sandusky child sex abuse case was handed to the jury for deliberation Thursday afternoon, members of the media were permitted to view the evidence in the case.
Below is the text of several documents written in Sandusky's handwriting. Some of the documents are letters addressed to the man known as Victim 4. Ellipses in the transcripts indicate missing text where the handwriting was illegible.
Exhibit 1: Letter to Alleged Victim 4; no date
I know that I have made my share of mistakes. Heavens, I hope that I will be able to say that I cared. There has been love in my heart.
My wish is that you care and have love in your heart. Love never ends. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. I believe that it can overcome all things.
Exhibit 23: Related to Alleged Victim 4; no date
Yes, I am a “Great Pretender.” I pretend that I can sing. I pretend about many things. However, I can't pretend about my feelings and want you to always remember that I ca.
Not always a Pretender – “Jer”
Exhibit 24: Related to Alleged Victim 4; no date
Driving home the other night from [Victim 4's hometown] I had many thoughts. Some happy some a little sad. But you know I am very emotional and kind of let everything out. I'm not good at hiding my feelings. I have many “Forest Gump” qualities and I thought a lot about the movie as I was driving home. As you would expect, I cried at that movie.
I remember Forest and how he was so … (oblivious to the world) and not very smart. He was so happy because he wasn't caught up in being anything other than a caring person. I wish that I had more of that in me.
I … saw his wife and some friends who didn't understand what he had and tried to find their happiness by perfecting and living the fast life. So many people look for happiness that way. It didn't come from his wife or his friends. They turned away from him and went searching. Unfortunately they only found hopelessness, despair and became depressed.
Forest stayed loyal, he didn't know any better. Somehow, people like him are blessed. He never gave up because he cared. When these special purposes came back to his simple life of love and concern they found hope and true happiness.
As you go through life, you may have moments when you think that this is a lifestyle out there somewhere that is the answer. I hope that in the back of your mind will be a memory of simple times. Hopefully loyalty, joy and warm smiles. Try not to ever forget all those who are … Try to remember canoes, squirt guns, water balloons, fighting outside miniature golf, Polish soccer, basketball, racquetball, football, swimming studying lifting, wrestling, golfing, volleyball, kick-ball, soccer (Communist Tim) laughing, hurting, arguing, crying, caring and so much more fun.
Exhibit 23: The “B-J” Story; related to Victim 4; no date
Very few people know about this story and probably less care. I guess that I'm writing it for me. I'm Jer. [Victim 4] is a young man that came into Jer's life. It was a difficult time for Jer because he had lost his dad. Jer and his dad shared so much, did many things together. [Victim 4] comes along and he and Jerry seem to enjoy the same experiences. Both seemed to be in need. They loved playing games, competing, singing, laughing, sharing experiences, just being themselves. Jer remembered driving [Victim 4] home. [Victim 4] would say, “Tell me another story, Jer.” Jer, of course, being filled with them would come up with one. Jer remembers how he didn't want those stories to end.
Jer became attached to [Victim 4] and always will be. [Victim 4] loved Justices and Staush, and they love him. He and Jer played Polish soccer, wrote papers together, rode [Victim 4's] four wheeler though Jer was scared to death, studied in the playground, roller skated, ice skated, jet-skied, went to bowl game, spent days at football and soccer camp, canoed, … and more. He met and did things with Penn State football players and spent many hours with them and Jer. [Sentence missing.]
Times were not always perfect. There were ups and downs. There were arguments, fights, they care! No matter what, there was a connection that would help them last through these difficult times. There was always a sensitive, caring feeling deep inside. Jer had loved through many experiences … life isn't perfect, even what some be considered to be “best friends”.
Life is far from perfect at this stage. [Line missing] It's powerful, for Jer. It has been a dark cloud. [Victim 4] seemed to fight it, coming over trying to do … but couldn't pull it off. He seems to be loving the others more and more. Inch by inch the cloud has darkened him and taken over. It has smothered sensitivity and love, taken away his caring and enthusiasm. His enthusiasm has been replaced by sleep, his caring replaced apathy (no concern). “Tell me another story, Jer,” is being replaced by “I don't' care!” This cloud has destroyed … it has wrecked his inside, killing his feelings.
Jer believes that there will always be something special inside [Victim 4]. He hopes that it will last, return if it has left. The players miss him. They say, “Come back, [Victim 4]!” Stay with us, [Victim 4]!” Jer would love to have the good times back. The players say, “Be with us to the end!” Jer would love to have, “Tell me another story, Jer.” Jer may not be … but he needs a “best friend,” It doesn't look real good.
Jer understands life and its changes. He's proud, too proud to beg for a friend, extended family member. The strong will and the way that [Victim 4] wants it. Jer wants to be there to the end, but that's [Victim 4]'s call. If [Victim 4] ever needs him, he'll come.
Regardless, they have had an experience that others won't. Jer will not forget and always care.
Exhibit 24; regarding victim 4; on Penn State letterhead; no date
Once again, I have decided to write some of my thoughts. I write because you mean so much to us. I write because I am concerned about all of us. I write because I have seen the hurt on Tim's face when you don't show for him, even though you have given your word. I write because of the churning in my own stomach when you don't care. I write because I still hope that here will be meaning to the time we have known each other.
Tim and I have seen this before, had similar experience, and to be honest, not very happy conclusions. You like to express yourself in a straight-forward manner. This will be a very direct message from me.
We seem to be a convenience. When is it inconvenient …, you leave a trail of broken promises. Commitments seem meaningless.
You are able to bounce from person to person, object to object. You seek happiness through … domination, and what satisfies the moment. You have to hit the home run, wing for the fence. You don't understand or choose not to worry about loyalty, commitment, or caring. The motivation is to get what you want regardless of others.
On the surface this may appear to work for you. People enjoy your youthfulness. Different people show up to give you temporary fulfillment.
We could be wrong but don't believe that this works. Our experience shows otherwise. You will get older. People will expect more. Your youthfulness will disappear. If you cannot care, you will not be able to live up to the expectations. Your so-called “best friend” will vanish. Happiness will escape your life.
You might want to stop and think about true happiness. It seems to come more often when you don't try as hard, … reach out to others, lose yourself, become satisfied with plain, simple people who care.
It's your life! You can continue as you have, keep looking for happiness or you can find it. We'd love to be a part of your life, but that's your choice.
We've been here, made it through some challenges. We want to always be there for you!
With some hope and a lot of caring we are:
Jer + Tim
Exhibit 27: related to Victim 4; on PSU Letterhead; no date
I hope that writing some of my thoughts will not annoy you as much as I do personally.
We have known each other for almost two years now, gone through many highs and lows. There was tremendous encouragement as we went through last summer and into the fall. You seemed like you had bought into everything and were doing well. Those who had poured out their guts for you, stood by you, were there when you needed them, welled with pride in your accomplishments.
Somehow this all slipped away. Agreements with people who really care about you didn't mean anything. You started missing school, your attitude, grades and self-esteem dropped.
We tried many ways to get you to do your work but failed. You kept driving us away. It became clear that there were only two ways to make a difference in your life and they weren't working. Somebody had to care enough to take control and help you succeed. Tim and I cared enough but were not in that kind of position. The only other hope was that you would attach to us, care enough and want to please yourself and others.
Inch by inch you continued to drive those that live and would die for you out. Instead, you bounce from one person to another, always measuring what others are willing to do for you.
Where are we? Discouraged, but we're still here, hope to remain.
When it comes to school, I conclude that there is nothing that I can do or say that will make a difference. However, there is always hope. Maybe you won't quit. Maybe you will decide down the road to make an effort. Maybe there will be something that you will want help in the future. I will be there as long as you want me. I'll stand by you as a person who has been a large part of my life. I'll always care!
I see you getting better in soccer, playing hockey, etc.. Hopefully you will not throw those opportunities away. There is so much that I enjoy about you. You have special qualities. Hang on to the positive experiences whether you want us there or not. When it is all said and done remember us so very plain people who care, tried and always wanted to be a true friend (there in the clutch).
You will always be meaningful to us!
Keep climin! Keep on Keepin on!
Exhibit 28; related to Victim 4; no date
I thought that I would take a moment to share some information and quotes. As you approach your 16th birthday the day becomes more important. You will be making many decisions that will affect the rest of your life. I hope that this will be taken as words of encouragement and hope. My wish is that you will find the strength and the courage to make commitments that will bring you fulfillment and happiness.
The crystal ball says “anything is possible.” You can live your life in pool halls, selling cigarettes or go to college and provide for others. You can make and follow through with commitments or you can discard them for what appears to be a better deal.
You have begun by choosing to do the program. You will win by staying with it. I hope that you can become a winner.
Penn State Football has been that. I have been touched by winners. I have observed commitment. I have seen people with pride, appreciation, love and sacrifice. They worked.
The result has been 2 national championship, more 10 win seasons than any other school in the last 30+ years, 5 undefeated seasons during this time, more bowl wins than nobody, won all major bowls, etc…
I only say this to add credibility to what Is said. You don't have to accomplish all that to be a winner. All that you have to do is become the person you are capable of being. You must want it and be willing to scratch, hurt a little to get there. Some quotes:
J.F.K.: “Life was not designed as a prison I which man waits his execution. It is not necessary to stay with what you have. You have the capacity of great achievements, great loyalty and great love. And I would say to you, if you have this dream to make things better don't sell out short. Don't back away. If you have a song to sing, sing it.
Ted Roosevelt: The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…whose face is marred by dust, sweat, and blood; who knows the great enthusiasms the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at best, if he wins knows the thrills of high achievement and if he fails, at least, fail while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.
It's your song, your choices, your life. I'd like to feel a small part of it and will be there, if you want. I have believed and stuck up for you.
Exhibit 29: related to Victim 4; no date
I'm starting this letter now and may not finish it until we got to Minnesota. I enjoyed seeing you briefly when you came over for the wrestling. It was very positive that you were going to soccer practice. As LaVar [Arrington] said, it shows that you have loyalty to your team and coach.
I'm also pleased and proud of you performance in school. You have so much potential and are beginning to realize it hopefully, you will be able to handle your success and even build on it, growing to a higher level.
When you came over it was an opportunity for me to observe something and think. I saw a young man by the name of [Victim 4] show the potential to be a leader. He gets along with others. Isn't too good for anybody, yet at the same time, leads by example, stands a little taller, has higher standards is something special. I'm convinced that you can … for that and have a positive impact on many people.
I'm also convinced that you belong to a special community here. I saw it when you ran over to see Joe Rose. I saw it when LaVar sprinted into the office that night to call you. You belong with Courtney Brown, Ms. Daniels, LaVar, Marc, Brandon, Joe…Matt, C.J. Even Buddy. They are your buddys.
I observed some people at the wrestling match. I may be wrong but I just feel that the genuine people you have met over her have more substance than the entertainers in pro wrestling. I'm trying not to generalize, but I love the Saint Martins and all of the others who have touched my life and saved lives. … They are plain very plain, yet extremely proud. … I know they care about you and will be there for you.
[Victim 4], I don't know what you think about me sometimes. You never know how long you have. I ask you to cling to the genuine people over here. Maybe you can become a part of it someday. Mr. Gorman is really proud of you. You might be a soccer player, a manager, who knows. Your program will go on with or without me because you are really special.
I'm proud of you and really care!